Things Stuck Inside

She did what she shouldn’t have done

But she needs this, or at least she feels like she does.  She needs closure, to feel like he never needed her.  To know he will never want her again, she needs to know these things. There isn’t a second that goes by that I couldn’t look at her and see the look in her eye, a look that is so obvious, yet a stranger would never know.  But I know her so well, she thinks about him every day.  She worries.  She never loved anyone as much as she had loved him.  It was the kind of love that hurt, it made her cry just thinking about how much she loved him, and it still does.  I can see her now, tearing up, sniffling as if she just needed to clear her nose.  But, deep down, even though he doesn’t deserve it, I know she still loves him.  She always will.  Yet still, she seeks an exchange of words, a false courage that will leave her unfulfilled, just as she always is.  No words or looks could ever change what he did to her, what he still does to her.  Nothing will ever make things right.  He can’t love her still, he can’t look at her and tell her he still wants her, he doesn’t still need her, he has made it clear.  But still, even if he did need her, or even want her, hearing those words wouldn’t put her at peace.  Those words would only tear her to pieces.  She did what she shouldn’t have done.  But she needs this.